The pithy, opinionated, and sometimes brutally frank Heinz-Ulrich von Boffke challenges average guys to live a life less ordinary and embrace classic style in the broadest sense. it's time to rise above the trite, the boring, the predictable, the mundane, the banal, and the commonplace. It's time to stop behaving like barnyard animals at the trough and leave behind the perpetually sloppy man-child aesthetic of the last two decades or so. It's time to learn once again how to present and conduct yourself like an adult with some grooming, finesse, and sophistication. And here is where you can learn how.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

A Very Simple Step toward Greater Style. . .

Trust me.  You don't want to be one of those guys who can't keep his gum in his mouth, or chew it quietly.

Here's a very simple tip for average guys who have set out to kick up their everyday style several notches.  Best of all, it's inexpensive and easily accomplished.  Are ya ready Steve?  Andy?  Mick?  All right fellas.  Let's goooooooooo!!!

If you are one of the legions of people who insist on having a wad of gum stuck in the side of your mouth -- and if no one has told you before, it's a pretty tacky and cheap habit to begin with -- chew it quietly and keep it in your mouth.  Anyone over the age of seven who cracks and pops his gum is annoying in the extreme, even if others around you are polite enough not to say anything.  That sort of thing is not even cute in children if we are perfectly frank with ourselves.  And it's also just plain gross for us to treat people to the sight of that chewed up, rubbery, neon wad of stuff in our mouths.  As inconsiderate and offensive as, for example, taking off your shoes and socks on an airplane and resting your feet against the nearest bulkhead.  

Nope.  Where Bazooka, Juicy Fruit, and Dentyne are concerned, my maternal grandmother used to advise, "If you insist on chewing gum, then go to your room and close the door where no one can see or hear you."  And that's not just solid advice for job interviews and office etiquette either.  Fewer things spoil the overall effect of a handsome and well-dressed man than when he tosses a piece of gum or five into his gaping maw and begins chewing vapidly away on his cud.  Yep.  Cheap and tacky.  And you don't want to venture anywhere near that territory. 

Since we take a holistic approach to everyday style here at The Average Guy's Guide to Classic Style, and acknowledge that the somewhat nebulous concept of style is about much more than our clothes, accessories, and hair, let's make a concerted effort to keep that gum in our mouths where it belongs and keep it quiet, guys.  Assuming we refuse to kick the habit altogether.  But I hope, Bazooka Joe, that you might try.

-- Heinz-Ulrich


Main Line Sportsman said...

I like the "Ballroom Blitz" reference. The band was Sweet is I recall correctly.

Heinz-Ulrich von Boffke said...

Good call, MLS! Sweet's best tune among several other good ones. It seemed like a good way to start today's style rant.

Best Regards,

Heinz-Ulrich von B.

Anonymous said...

This is an excellent point. I have tried to instil into my children how to shake hands properly (firm but not too firm, laser like eye contact), be overdressed more often than not, and anytime you appear in public (especially in any official capacity) do not have gum in your mouth.

Dr. C.P.

Heinz-Ulrich von Boffke said...

I wish there were more parents like you, Dr. C.P. Socially, we might be in a slightly better place at this point in history. My own father refused to buy my sister and me gum in any form and would routinely makes us get rid of it if we turned up with some in our mouths. My mother was more subtle in her approach, but both parents absolutely detested chewing/bubble gum.

Best Regards,

Heinz-Ulrich von B.