Of Thank-you Notes Past and Present. . .

The Young Master and I have had birthdays in the last couple of weeks, and today we'll sit down together to write a few thank-you notes for the cards and gifts sent to us from family members. Both the physical notes and a couple of the cyber variety for relatives in areas of the world where the mail is unreliable.

Too many people, if and when they think about them at all, regard thank-you notes as a quaint reminder of a bygone era. A relic of the past. Something about as necessary in the 21st century as gloves, calling cards, and walking sticks. Something that is, somehow, too time consuming. You know the old, tired refrain, "I don't have the time." We hear this excuse used for everything from thank-you cards, to dressing presentably (not expensively or well, just presentably), to actually setting a dinner table properly and sitting down for an evening meal (without TV and I-phones mind you), to washing one's face and brushing one's hair before appearing in the morning.

My question is this. How can you not take a few minutes from you busy schedule -- step away from the I-phone Finnegan/Connor/Logan/Kinsie/Kelsey/Kaliegh/Etc. -- to thank someone for taking the time to remember you and send you something? How can you, in good conscience, not show a bit of consideration and common decency to others who are not required to think of you? How can you ignore doing what is socially acceptable and correct if we get right down to it?

I once had the wife of a couple we were close to go all to pieces -- honestly -- because I sent them a brief thank-you card after we joined them for supper at their house about ten years ago after I left Minnesota and joined the Grand Duchess in Illinois during the year before we were married. I was absolutely dumbfounded when it was later brought to my attention that "We are really good friends, so we shouldn't even have to feel like thank-you notes are necessary." What? WHAT??!!

Perhaps she was simply trying to mask her embarrassment, or working through her own social anxieties? Maybe it was something else? Who knows? However, I remained undeterred and continued to send them brief notes of thanks each time after we joined the couple in question for evening meals and socializing. Strangely, the gesture was never returned when we entertained them at our house. Many, many times during a ten-year period. As Tom Jones sang, "It's not unusual. . ."

In any case, I have continued to send brief thank-you notes -- like I was raised to do by my slightly tipsy, bridge-playing, Southern Episcopalian and Methodist forebearers -- throughout my adult life to friends, family, and mere acquaintances. The Young Master will learn this social skill too, and hopefully it will not turn into an awkward thing for him on reaching adulthood. If simple notes of thanks for gifts, pleasant company, and the like come to be regarded as embarrassing inconveniences, then we really and truly are in deep trouble as a society. Sigh.

So, ladies and gentlemen, allow me to bang the drum one more time. Take a few minutes of your time and cultivate the habit of sending brief notes of thanks. These do not have to be lengthy either. Just something along the lines of, "Thanks so much for the delightful meal and good company last night. Blanche and I really enjoyed ourselves. Let's do it again soon. Next time, at our place. Be sure to bring little Allan and Stella along. -- Stanley."

At the very least, taking a few moments to write and send thank-you cards will set you apart as someone who shows a modicum of consideration for and thanks to others who have been kind enough to remember and/or include you. You are showing kindness, in turn, for kindness that has been extended to you. A pleasant social give and take that is nothing to sneer at. It is that tiny bit of grooming and sophistication, after all, that is really behind Classic Style for the Average Guy.

-- Heinz-Ulrich

J. Press Goodness. . .

F resh out of the UPS box, three examples of J. Press goodness on a Friday morning. These shirts are replacements for three recently worn-through, more than 20-year old OCBDs from Land's End (two) and L.L. Bean (one). They were purchased shortly after I took my first teaching position at a now defunct local college outside of Minneapolis, immediately following graduate school, as the fall semester kicked off in September 2003. While some professional gear hung in my closet already, a few additional items were needed at that point to round out the weekly rotation. Said shirts all finally fell prey to small rips showing up in the now very thin, but incredibly comfortable, fabric within six weeks of each other this winter and early spring. So, time for a few replacements. The old friends will find new life as summertime lawncare shirts. Of the three new items above, my favorite shirt is on the right, but one cannot go wrong with a light blue OCBD either, so we're in good

Time for the Ol' Switcheroo?

W ell, here we are approaching mid-April. And it might just be about time to swap the cool and cold weather attire for warmer weather gear this coming weekend. Mid-70s Fahrenheit yesterday, and low 70s today. Cooler after that later in the week, but I can probably stow the heavier wool items and cords in the cedar closet and safely bring out the warm weather suits, odd jackets, and pants until the fall. Still time of one last hurrah today however. Cooler enough this morning for a tan pair of cords paired with that recently arrived J. Press jacket. The latter is light enough, although it is wool, that I might just keep it handy since we can certainly have chilly days in May and June. While classes end on the April 19th this year, I'll still be on campus occasionally into June, so it's not exactly time for khaki shorts, Madras, seersucker and short-sleeved polo shirts just yet. There's also conference coming up in New Orleans at the start of June, so still some oppor

Job Talk #3. . .

C andidate #3 is, for my money, the person for the job. Considerable experience, broad perspective, well-connected throughout the college and university due to an array of collaborative pursuits of one kind or another, coherent and detailed vision laid out for the next three years and beyond. Yes. I am not on the committee that makes the recommendation to the dean, who will make the final decision and send the letter, but, were it up to yours truly, this is the guy. And he wore an actual suit (mid-gray), dress shoes, white shirt, and necktie as an added plus. 20 years or so my junior, but someone gets it. -- Heinz-Ulrich

Old SchoolNovember 8, 2015 at 12:30 AM
Thank you for your much-appreciated doses of civilization.

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Glenda MooreNovember 8, 2015 at 6:42 AM
I still order stationery, and still write thank-you notes, bred to do it, couldn't not do it even if I wanted to. The day after birthdays, graduations, dinner-parties, parties of any kind, and Christmas saw us sitting down to write thank-you notes. Three observations:

1. Friends my age from my neck of the woods (Alabama) still do it.

2. I give small Christmas gifts to the students in my private studio, and many give gifts to me. I send thank-you notes, of course; in the last 30 years (teaching in California & Texas) I've received only two thank-you notes from those students. I don't fret, I understand they weren't raised any better, and I believe nearly everyone does the best they can with the knowledge they have.

3. I've learned that the trendy-fashion girls in their late teens and early 20's, who embrace "preppy" as a trendy-style, are buying stationery and writing letters & thank-you notes! At least something nice is coming out of this.

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