Skip to main content

In Matters of the Heart, Don't Be Desperate. . .

Why, oh why, does it seem these days like so many guys are afraid to be by themselves?

It never ceases to amaze me.  What, pray tell?  You really want to know?  Ok, here you go.  The sheer number of online exchanges, and actual conversations one overhears virtually everywhere, where people are apparently obsessed about the "problem" of being single.  What?  What??!!  

You read it right.  And it's not just something the gals trouble themselves over either.  Guys do it too.  But that sort of worrying to death and overthinking those much sought after, hoped for, and eventual relationships is hardly the way for average guys to kick up their everyday style.  Newsflash!  Sadness and desperation are anything but stylish.  Sorry for not being sorry about that.

Here's a different approach to try.  Live your life, behave like a reasonably pleasant, purposeful individual -- DO NOT become a player whatever you do under any circumstances.  That only breeds unhappiness for someone, you or the other person involved. --  and stop trying so hard to find "the one."  You know what, guys?  It's actually harder to meet a quality person when you come across as sad and desperate.  Most of the time, you'll succeed only in finding other sad, desperate men and women.  And that hardly provides a solid foundation on which to maybe build something lasting and special.  This starting to sound like an early Beatles tune!  "I'm so sad and lonely, baby take a chance on me. . . "

But -- Pow!  Bang!  Shazam! -- when you stop looking so hard, you'll find special men and women, who are available and, amazingly, looking themselves.  At times, it might even seem like you are tripping over them.  Honest.  It's how I met my own wife, for example.  And the story goes like this.

About 15 years ago, all of the interesting young women I met were either married, had boyfriends, were not looking at the time, were uninterested, or had "other interests."  Nothing seemed to work.  Ok, time to get my own house in order.  I finally decided to stop trying so hard and get on with my life.  I finished up one graduate program at UW-Madison, lived abroad for a while, and did few things I wanted to do before later moving back to the United States for another graduate program in Minneapolis.  And what do you think happened?  

Yep.  One day, lo and behold. . .  there she was.  Two desks away in the very same graduate teaching assistant office.  The Grand Duchess with her bright Swedish blue eyes, funny smile, freckled face, intoxicating laughter, and slightly crooked nose.  We later went Nordic skiing together one cold Saturday in February, and have, more or less, been together ever since.  Funny how things like that work.

Of course, this story is only pertinent to me.  Call it my Sleepless in Seattle moment.  My life as a chick flick. . .  or even a Bridget Jones story.  Pretty silly really.  But the example does, I hope, help to illustrate the point that if a guy concentrates on other things for a while, and stops looking and trying so darn hard, even desperately, for romance, that one special person will eventually emerge and find you.  It just take a little patience.

-- Heinz-Ulrich 

Comments

Popular Posts

Four Little Words. . .

  R egardless of the cut of one's sports jacket, odd pants, suit, or shirt collar, four key words spring to mind when it comes to being intentional about our attire, personal habits, daily interactions and so much else.  Here they are: Polish -- Good manners and ease with people. Sophistication --  Refinement, good taste, and subtlety in not only a social context but also the cultural and intellectual senses . Finesse --  Sensibility, grace, and social competence. Awareness -- Perspective, empathy, and emotional intelligence    And my point?  We should strive to cultivate these qualities in ourselves with (more) conscious intent.  More of the four within and from everyone would make the world in 2024 a far more pleasant place in which to live and operate.  Best of all, these four things cost nothing, making them accessible to everyone regardless of education level or income bracket. -- Heinz-Ulrich

Friday Breakfast Style. . .

  N ow and again, the Grand Duchess and I manage to find the time for an adults' breakfast out on Friday mornings once the Young Master has climbed aboard the school bus.  Today was the first such outing in quite some time, and we visited our favorite quick and greasy about 10 minute up the road.   Since I've got a couple of Zoom meetings midday and in the early afternoon, I opted for a sports jacket over an OCBD shirt rather than the more typical Rugby top or flannel shirt.  Hey, it's still quite chilly here in the mornings. -- Heinz-Ulrich

The Problem of "Business Casual" Attire. . .

This is how it's done.  Business Casual the RIGHT way, ladies and gentlemen.  Even during the summer months.  A photograph (taken by Studio B Portraits ) which appeared in 425 Business Magazine in May 2017.   T his post on the problem of business casual dress began as a quick postscript to a previous blog entry last week but quickly grew and grew as additional thoughts occurred, were developed in more detail, and revisions made.  So much so, that it seemed, eventually, like a better idea to make the initial P.S. afterthought into its own entry .  Are ya ready, Freddy?  Then, here we go. . .  ------------ U nless you actually plan to sell beach snacks and trinkets on Cozumel, become a serial barista, or greet customers at a fancy nightclub after taking out huge student loans to attend university somewhere for four or five years, plus an MBA afterward, it's really a better idea to err on the side of (somewhat) more formal work attire any time you head into the